so... about that Romanian cage-fighter


Ok, so Nsoromma wanted to know more about the cage-fighter...

He was your typical white man on the hunt for something exotic... He looked at me like I was lunch!
So I agreed to meet him 7 overground train stops AWAY from my house (why do I do this?) and when I got there he immediately flagged down an approaching bus - here's the ensuing conversation-
Me: (nonplussed) errrr why do we need a bus? we're in the centre of town
Him: (nonchalant) Oh, to go to my house
Me: (sardonic) I'm not going to your house MATE, I don't actually know you, let's just get a drink here
Him: (slimy) Oh come on baby (Me: Baby?) I'm an events planner (Really?) so I've wine at mine, it's so annoying to have to buy it again outside
Me: (ghetto) Nah bruv, you must be loopy, what, are you taking me for a drink or what?
Him: (glowering) OK fine.

After this there wasn't much conversation, when I said "let's talk" he rolled his eyes, picked his nose and said "ok , 'talk' " (making inverted commas with his hands) In short it became...well difficult, especially when the hand tried to travel to ( as he put it) my 'strrrrrong thighs mmmm'
UGH, shudder with me readers, I high-tailed it outta there, gross.
He sent me two lewd messages then buggered off (Phew!) But as I said, it was cool to be on a date, and he wasn't evil or anything so never mind eh?

Anyway, since then there's been the sexy TWENTY YEAR OLD (who was really about 17) from Guadeloupe ( I didn't know 'e was a minor officer!), the old school and uni friend who is sweet but annoying and the new obsession. If you want to know more let me know, there's a lot to tell!

I am praying through all this, and God must have a sense of humour 'cos he is bringing me BARE jokes along this journey.

Anyone else got some dating jokes, disasters or successes? Let us know x

Friday's Teeny Weeny Afro

* Not how my cage-fighter looked...

In the slightest...

at all.


4 opinionated people have something to say:

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Try a Romanian 'Businessman' who was a champion boxer (in his distant youth). This guy proceeded to break every rule of social etiquette, including being inebriated before our date even started, wearing dirty clothing, stinking to high heaven (which I noticed too late), filthy mouth (in more ways than one), insisting we go to attend some business of his first (then making me wait around for four hours - 'lunch' then became 'dinner', the sly dog!) Having received a large sum of cash, he proceeded to flash it around on the flimsiest of pretexts - in a very dangerous area of town! As for our actual date, this included him insisting we go to an All you can eat Buffet type restaurant, thus 'controlling' the cost, the cheapskate! - and having promised not to drink any more alcohol, he proceeded to order (secretly, when he went to the restroom), and rapidly finish an entire bottle of wine (I had to secretly cancel the second bottle he ordered).. At the Buffet he pushed in front of the queue and proceeded to pile his plate so high with the most expensive seafood, the staff had to ask him to leave some for the other patrons - he then deliberately continued piling it on as the food slid in heaps onto the floor around his feet, until there was nothing left, declaring "I paid for it so I can do what I like"!.. Where the HELL was the manager?! Brave soul that I was, not to mention really hungry, I hung in there thinking that it couldn't possibly get worse. (Hysterical laughter..) It did - beyond my wildest nightmares. A montage of horrors included losing most of his money in the casino while barely standing upright, pushing other peoples poker chips off their places during the dealing, ordering several double shots of whisky (having SWORN that he would NOT have another drink), swiping the glass as we left which he then smashed against the wall as he urinated on someone else's car! I discovered that he had also pissed on my car seat the next morning. I had to help his fourteen year old son wrangle him into his apartment, at which time he quickly locked the door and hid the key - his poor kid had to wrestle with him to get the key so I could leave! All the while he insisted I had not lived until I 'slept' with two men and he and his boy would give me a 'good time'... the utterly humiliated boy could not apologise enough (I firmly told him he was not responsible for his fathers actions). The next day this moron phoned to tell me he thought I needed a husband and that he would consider marrying me!... I changed my phone number. Beat that if you can, anyone?

Anonymous said...

OH! I forgot to mention him insisting on smoking in my car even though I told him I was Asthmatic and could not tolerate it, and constantly lighting up in the (Non-smoking) restaurant, even after the manager asked him not to many times! Other misbehaviour included stealing a dessert off another ladies tray, as there was no more of that particular one! (His son told me about that later on) Her husband had to be restrained by a friend! He also took one of every dessert and had half a spoonful of each, leaving them all to waste... (He tried to force feed them to me, which was NOT happening - he had wisely kept his mouth closed so I could not see his rotten teeth, the few that he had left, but I had noticed - and I don't 'share' under the best of circumstances). Why on earth had I not abandoned this 'date' right at the beginning, you may ask?! Well the main pretext of this 'date' was that it was his sons Birthday celebration, and he had accompanied us from the outset - and I couldn't just leave this poor child with his moronic father. So take notes, ladies: here are more tricks that sly dogs can play on unsuspecting women! I also nearly had an accident while driving them home, due to the fathers 'wandering hands' - the roads are pretty challenging in Africa! There's more to tell.. but why bother!

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