Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Best Thing In My Life

First published on Baring Testament .

Hi all,

I know I've been MIA. But sometimes you just need me time. Down time, so sorry. But happy 2012 everyone! This one is gonna be a good one! Something has been sitting on me about last year, and I wanted to share. Despite not being here much last year. it was a good year for me and I thought I'd mention some highlights...they'll put this year into perspective...

On 31st December 2010 at church a wrote a list of five things. Very specific, that I wanted to begin in my life. And as I get each of them I'll let you know on here. I prayed to God for them, and believed in him to answer my prayers.

One of the things I asked for was a permanent job by the end of 2011, paying a minimum of £30,000. Considering I was in my first job, post-masters, barely any experience, earning £21,000, in the middle of a recession, on a temporary contract, it seemed beyond far from where I was then. Plus I was due to be out of contract at the end of January 2011. The team was full, and my manager was advising me on where to apply for jobs at my level. Maybe earning slightly more. £24,000 including London weighting looked reasonable.

So following my prayer I started looking for jobs in the region of £27,000...ambitious for my level, but with London weighting of around £3,000, that would bump me up to £30,000...just about.

Then an AMAZING thing happened. Three positions opened up in my team. One at £21,000 and two at £32,000. My manager encouraged me to apply for the one at my level, I was doing well, practically in-post and pretty much guaranteed it.

I didn't apply for it. I applied for one of the £32,000 roles...and I got it. First choice candidate with the highest score in the interview and application. And I was expecting to get the job around December as I had put a time-cap on my very specific prayer...it came in MAY. Plus I get a travel allowance bonus. It's funny...I was scrapping around to JUST make the mark for what I had asked God for and he gave me just so much MORE!

Another prayer I prayed after having just broken up with my boyfriend was that I want to meet and know who my future husband would be by the end of the year. I started to date someone pretty soon in the new year who I had known since I was about 13...comfortable. He was nice, sweet, attentive and INTO ME. Like really. He seemed just so proud to be by my side. And he was God-fearing. PRAISE GOD.

But then something AWFUL happened...I just clean went off him. Like completely. For no apparent reason. And he tried everything, and he tried SO HARD, to keep it going. But it died. Just like that.

In the meantime I was still in contact with a couple of ex's (I must stress, this was NOT in any way other than as friends from a distance), including the one I broke up with in December 2010. One from a few years ago, who is in his early 30s starts talking about settling down. A few months later he's clear its me he wants to settle with and starts trying to make a play for me. Then someone else I was crushing on HARD in 2010 starts talking the settling down line...

But AMAZINGLY, I got back with this Ex from December 2010 (since blogging was SPARSE at the time, he has yet to be mentioned on here...). We didn't push our relationship. Or try to define it. After breaking up we went back to the basics of our friendship and it just seemed to grow from there. I never saw it coming. He just seemed to come out with it one day when we were talking, that he wants to be with me...and I just thought, yes. That was around April and we are STILL very happy together. Even more AMAZINGLY we both took it seriously, so much more than first time around. He is the first man to have ever been introduced to my family as my boyfriend and he has been very well received. And I have been invited to meet his family too...

And funnily enough, it has been easier this time. Which NEVER happens when you get back with an Ex. When we first got together I kind of saw him as a time filler. A nice guy but not the man of my dreams. I find it truly amazing that he seems to be everything I ever wanted. And not in the least who I expected him to be. I have never been happier.

THEN 30th December 2011, he PROPOSED. All of a sudden my mind flashes back to the prayer I made and I think 'Oh My Days, really?!'. Saying yes was the easiest thing I have ever done.

God gave me EVERYTHING last year, He is truly the best thing in my life. And all the good I have in my life can be traced right back to Him. 2011 was magical for me. And it looks set to continue.




I am TOTALLY psyched for 2012!!!!!


What did God do for you to psych you for 2012?

On Getting Married...

(This was written about a month ago in the run up to my sister's wedding...I'm only really now getting the chance to post...there will be a few of these. Soz)

Sankofa has always (well at least ever since I have known her) made it very clear that a big church wedding and the surrounding bru-ha-ha is not for her. And I think there have always been parts of me that agree with this stance; but still I cling to (my?) dreams of a big white wedding. Perfect in every way. With me and the hubby smiling at the fore.

As one of those children who seemed to always fall into the (mis)fortune of being a flower girl, I thought I had seen it all, in terms of the tears, tantrums and abject misery that are behind the scenes of some of the weddings I have been involved in.

However, as an adult what you see is WORSE. My sister is in the process of organising her wedding. She and her hubby-to-be thought it would be a bright idea to get married in KUMASI (Ashanti region, Ghana)...even though her and her hubby are based in EDINBURGH...mum lives in LONDON. Well...all I can say is they had a dream. Hmmmm...good luck to them! We are finally in Kumasi with two weeks to go; hubby to be is still not here. At this point, I'd sooner pack up and head home. It's the biggest nightmare you could imagine. I'm talking a cold war between the parental units, an overly determined wedding planner with illusions of grandeur, the rainy season, a travel agent under investigation for fraud and underselling tickets, wedding invitations which do not name the groom spelt correctly, bridesmaid dresses having to be re-done, flower girls BY FORCE, big dreams and an ever decreasing pot of money...oh...and money grabbing distant relatives. JOY. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. And I would like to throttle the sister. She keeps crying. It's doing my head in. I'd like to slap her. HARD. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

By this point I'm in such firm agreement with Sankofa. Allow this long nonsense. I'm having a registry wedding. KMFT.

Jungle Fever?

Would you ever get married to someone outside of your race? Or perhaps, outside of your nationality? Would you marry somebody who is not of the same faith as you? A conversation with a (yoruba) friend of mine got me thinking long and hard on this issue. I asked her if she would ever consider dating an Igbo man, the fiery response I got back was "God forbid! Olorun maje!". (Please forgive me, my nigerian friends if the spelling is wrong) Now I don't exactly know the politics between the different tribes in Naija but I can tell you that sister girl was not looking to get too up close and personal with any man whose name doesn't begin with Ola...or Tola... or Bola... or end in ...femi or ...yemi or ...kemi.

When Sankofa wrote in an earlier post that one of us was given the choice of "doing a masters or getting married" she was referring to me. 'The choice' was my 22nd birthday present from my dad. (Can you imagine?) What you may not know my friend is that when father dearest offered me this choice, he was talking about bringing someone home whose family originate from within the borders of our homeland Ghana. Really dad? Even in one of the most multicultural cities ever?!!! And you can also safely assume that the future Mr. Afrocentric will have to have an impressive c.v. So you see, that does not really leave me with much of a choice.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I will get Jungle Fever and date a white man in the name of breaking social barriers, but I am calling into question our reasons for getting into a relationship with someone. Is it based on ethnicity? Race? Or how many random letters come after his name?
Let me take a moment to answer the questions I threw out in the beginning. Would I marry outside of my nationality? Yes...but within reason. sorry. Somebody of a different faith? Hell no! Of a different race? Mmm...I have to be honest, even after this long blog post I still can't answer that question with confidence. OK...let's see...perhaps... if I ever get Jungle Fever.

'Would You Ever Slap Your Wife?'


On Good Friday, a good friend of mine had a dinner party. Imagine the scene...young Ghanaian girl, Sierra Leonian, a Yoruba girl and an Igbo...an Igbo guy and three Yoruba. Now before you jump down my throat (about racism, or tribalism or WOTEVA!) I'm giving you a bit of background to lay the scene and inform what I'm gonna say later...

Some seriously good white wine and Fanta gets to flowing and being African students of politics, (for the most part) converstaion gets loud and argumentative. The topic was a bit of a mistake, I grant the Yoruba boy who brought it up didn't quite mean what he implied...OH WELL! What are students of politics if not eager pirahna's waiting to attack ignorant statements? So....hmmm, I'll call him Yinka...comments that the laws in the UK are too strict, for instance in the UK an man cannot slap his wife.


Poor Yinka! Myself, Teresa (Sierra Leonian), Nneka (Igbo) and Abiola (Yoruba) were the only other people in there at the time and being a room full of girls the horror in the air was palatable. Cries of 'ehhhhhh, so WHERE are you free to slap your wife?', 'Wife beater, wife beater!!!!!' (That was Nneka, quite enjoying making Yink squirm) filled the air and bless his heart we offered no way out for him and annihilated him as was our right, nay, our duty even.


Then enter the boys, Abimbola (Yoruba), Jide (Yoruba) and Chidi (Igbo). Chidi is aghast, 'I would never, NEVER slap my wife? What could you possibly mean? Have you run mad?' (A this point I sincerely wish I could accent this for you, but I can't write it...linguists? Help any one?). Anyhoo, while Yinka is still digging himself deeper trying to get out of his hole (much to mine and Nneka's glee) Jide decides to play devils advocate...'WHAT IF...what if...your wife slapped your mother?'

Now, myself and my girlfriends are still keeping up the righteous indigniton...like seriously sha, my husband will see fire if he abuses me! But all of a sudden Chidi is unsure and is backing down, like well, I don't know. Jide says seriously, the woman deserves a slap because that's his mother, but we are adamant, she's your wife. You get married and she should come above everyone else. Jide says 'No way! My mother gave me my values, you disrespect my mother you disrespect ME-slap her!'

This argument carried on into the night....or at least until people withdrew sullenly into their respective corners, each convinced they're right (why can Africans never debate like normal people it's always a fight!), but you get the general jist. But I'm still convinced I'm right! (lol) But I'm interested by the polar responses this evokes, so i throw the floor open, what says you?

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