On Getting Married...

(This was written about a month ago in the run up to my sister's wedding...I'm only really now getting the chance to post...there will be a few of these. Soz)

Sankofa has always (well at least ever since I have known her) made it very clear that a big church wedding and the surrounding bru-ha-ha is not for her. And I think there have always been parts of me that agree with this stance; but still I cling to (my?) dreams of a big white wedding. Perfect in every way. With me and the hubby smiling at the fore.

As one of those children who seemed to always fall into the (mis)fortune of being a flower girl, I thought I had seen it all, in terms of the tears, tantrums and abject misery that are behind the scenes of some of the weddings I have been involved in.

However, as an adult what you see is WORSE. My sister is in the process of organising her wedding. She and her hubby-to-be thought it would be a bright idea to get married in KUMASI (Ashanti region, Ghana)...even though her and her hubby are based in EDINBURGH...mum lives in LONDON. Well...all I can say is they had a dream. Hmmmm...good luck to them! We are finally in Kumasi with two weeks to go; hubby to be is still not here. At this point, I'd sooner pack up and head home. It's the biggest nightmare you could imagine. I'm talking a cold war between the parental units, an overly determined wedding planner with illusions of grandeur, the rainy season, a travel agent under investigation for fraud and underselling tickets, wedding invitations which do not name the groom spelt correctly, bridesmaid dresses having to be re-done, flower girls BY FORCE, big dreams and an ever decreasing pot of money...oh...and money grabbing distant relatives. JOY. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. And I would like to throttle the sister. She keeps crying. It's doing my head in. I'd like to slap her. HARD. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

By this point I'm in such firm agreement with Sankofa. Allow this long nonsense. I'm having a registry wedding. KMFT.

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7 opinionated people have something to say:

Nana Yaw Sarpong said...

A great post. It's hard to find someone in Ghana who is willing to leave the whole, call it charade, for a wedding that will leave the couples rich after marriage, not indebted. But I have some friends willing to defy friends and family for reason

Anonymous said...

From what I have seen after years of African weddings it seems that its compulsory for too much money to be spent (read wasted) and for everyone to spend a lot of the occasion NOT enjoying themselves. Most of the weddings have been part of the how NOT to get married show! I will also have a small wedding- small but lavish :-) and if you don't rsvp u won't even know the address to gatecrash, so there!

Maya Mame said...

My goodness, I hope it all went well in the end! Now I'm sure you'll understand why I, (despite me, hubby, my mum and his parents being based in Accra), ran off to Sweden to have our lowkey wedding with about 60 guests.

From weddings I have attended my impression is it is more about fulfilling your duty to your relatives than actually having a lovely day and a wonderful memory for life.

Myne Whitman said...

I was laughing so hard at your last paragraph. Weddings back home can be hell if not well handled. What usually happens at the end though is that the wedding does happen, in spite of all the hitches. SO you all hang in there...

Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens said...

I must point out that the day was actually amazing in the end, but the STRESS to get there is unlike anything I have ever encountered.

And I was disgusted at the number of free-loaders who came to see the abrokyirefuo (tr: people from abroad) reception and gauge themselves on the food. No shame. People who not even the random distant relatives knew.

B.O.N.T.I said...

Good to know the wedding turned out ok.. Most weddings if not all are not about the bride and groom its basically throw a party so relative(distant) can come over and chop chop(eat food).

We spending soo much on something that can be sorted out with 20mins and as little as Ghc1000.

I think i'ld have a wedding during the week day so its very difficult for people to skip work. that way i can control the number of people i want around.

The Motivational Listener said...

I’m all for the good old days where my grandmother says getting married equalled the man coming with his best mate to “visit” his girl and her family, and then the girl “escorting” her man to his home and never coming back. Bham! Simples.

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