Drama, Wahala, Asem...

I can empathise with Mary J. When she cried for No More Drama...and yet I can't quite make it work in my life. Consider...

I split from my very nice boyfriend of several months (around 6 I think...) because I was on this whole no more drama hype. As lovely as he was he had some fundamental 'flaws' that we could never get past:

  1. He's inkremoni (tr. Muslim) and I am not, and I've met too many people whose lives have been messed up because of the differences in their parents' religions. Sorry, I know it may work for some people but I'm not interested in that wahala (tr. Drama) in my life.
  2. He's dodgy. Like D-O-D-G-Y, as far as I'm concerned there are enough opportunities in this country for someone raised in the system to do something with their lives. He's a fast approaching 30, graduate who takes great pride in having never had a job. He's not on benefits and is living it up! No! C'mon I feel like I should be past that kind of dodginess in my life, as I've iterated before I feel like I am on the cusp of starting a wonderful life where my looooooong education is finally going to pay dividends. Look, I've done the ride-or-die chick thing before; at 23 I'm not interested in having your back if the police catch you. I'm older now and I'd probably be more inclined to think 'Good! You deserve to be caught! What are you thinking? GROW THE HELL UP!'That's drama man.
  3. He's alatani (tr. Nigerian) and before you people start on the racist hype. Listen. I've been with my fair share of Naija guys before and I just cannot abide the whole 'I'm Nigerian, we're the best' thing, how about 'I'm Ghanaian, I love being Ghanaian and I don't want to contend with the part of you that secretly believes your people are superior to mine!' Neither is it fair on him that I have inbred bad feelings about Naija dudes (OK that's not strictly fair or true, I think Ghanaian guys can be high wastage too!). But I would be a big fat liar if I did not acknowledge his very alata-ness was a problem. ASEM! (tr. Trouble)
  4. He's a lovely guy but really, I can't have a relationship with a man who can go for weeks, yes! WEEKS without feeling the need to see me when we live in the same 'regions' of London (Southside, that's where I'm coming from!)

Aww, bless him though he's nice, just not for me.

So I moved on with the help of an old, er, flame. Grrr, he is sooo the epitome of Ghanaian male wastage! Consider...

We have history and the whole idea was that now we have no separate dramas in our lives we should give it a real go. THEN he announces the drama of all dramas that no girl wants to hear...there's some chick expecting his child. WTF? ASEM! So, after his pleas and various (annoyingly childish) 'tests' of my loyalty and thinking long, deep and hard, I decided it is pretty unfair to judge a guy on the basis of one mistake, even if that 'mistake' results in a new life.

Nice, aren't I?

Well, I think so! I mean for many people that's an automatic no-no and I thought I'd try the mature route...fat lot of good it did me! He is as childish as when I first started seeing him a couple years back. Despite all his talk he's still essentially a child. I mean 'tests', really?!?!?! That nonsense always ends badly. It's sad though because I really, really, REALLY like him but I think he's incapable of being in an adult relationship. W-A-H-A-L-A, I'm sorry but it's not about babysitting grown as men!

Then there's the friend, who I believe is absolutely amazing! I (not-so-secretly) adore him. He's mature and straight-forward, God fearing and about something. I can tell him anything and everything. We can jam for hours and sometimes it is that nice kind of jamming, where neither of you say much of anything but you just enjoy each other's company. BUT, there's this underlying sexual chemistry that's growing...Which really isn't a problem...until you factor in the knowledge that he does not want a relationship. He generally treats me so well that, heck, I'm only human! I fantasise about being with him and sometimes when I look at him I know it's written on my face...as in this boy is not stupid and he has categorically informed me that he knows how bad I want him by the way I look at him. Before my flustered, embarrassed ass can reply he also told me that I shouldn't feel bad in the slightest because extremely explicit thoughts cross his mind whenever he's around me. Now, it's out there it's like walking a tightrope...I don't want to lose my friend! But DAMN! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh ASEM!

I really can empathise with Mary J. but someone needs to show me how to achieve this ideal of no more drama. I mean without getting bored. Because when I get bored I always get into some other trouble and it begins again. Oh DRAMA, WAHALA, ASEM!

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4 opinionated people have something to say:

Afrocentric said...

Wow, all I can say is A-S-E-M, Asem!! Drama really does follow you everywhere. I think you need to ask yourself, what exactly you are doing to attract all this drama. But at least you can take consolation from the fact that you're actually recognising that these men are not for you before being led in too deep!

Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens said...

Hmmm, that I do not disagree with my problem is I want to have a boredom-free, asem-free life! They seem to be mutually exclusive, honestly I used to think maybe I just secretly like it all. And maybe I did but honestly I just feel fed up right about now! In a complete aside, how do you say asem in Ga?

Shels said...

lololol! chale, i dun care what anyone tells me, Nigerians are damn shady...n even i will be worried if i was dating a naija guy, maybe a main squeeze or sumn but def not a boyfriend,but these days ppl r looking for sum seriousness...same for muslim, my mum won't allow dat one, even though we have muslim family friends, simply cos i would like to be my husbands only wife, thank you!...and chale, dun let d devil find work for ur idle hands.lol..no more drama= no more pain!

Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens said...

Shels, I've decided since I don't know how to be idle without getting into trouble I'll just be busy! But with good things (read: NOT men), like focusing on my, er, burgeoning career and my God.
:D

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