Getting Up Close and Biblical

They say church men are the worst men. Do you agree? Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against a man who will get out of his warm bed on a Sunday morning to pay his respects to God. Is that not something all of us christian sisters want?

However there are strange occurences that happen in God's house that lead me to believe that everyone is in church for their own agenda. And trust me, it is not always about worship.

I remember, around three years ago, my church held a single's night. (And before you start jumping to conclusions, let me make it clear: it was NOT about desperate singles scouting for the perfect partner). It was a seminar, followed by a discussion and refreshments. During the discussion, I was amused to find that a great deal of people find themselves in God's house on a Sunday morning to check the gyals dem (or the man dem). And I'm not talking about horny teenagers, these people are grown folk!!

Here are the top five methods these not-so-sly hopefuls will use:

1. The line. Everyone who goes to church knows the line. It goes like this , "sister, the Lord has directed me to you, and the Holy Spirit is telling me, you're the woman for me". If you ever fall victim to this manoeuver, your response should go like this "Really? Well, I haven't heard anything from God, so while I wait for Him to speak to me, could you keep your distance? Thanks".

2. Watch out for those who plant themselves in certain departments you know they have no business in joining. If Mr. Hopeful decides to join the choir as soon as you join, and you know he can't hit a single note, that is cause for concern. You may laugh, but a young man, the other day, confessed to me that he joined the welcoming team after catching sight of one of the new comers. He knew he had no interest in this department, and once he had caught this girl in his net, he left the welcoming team as quickly as he had joined.

3. Next, be weary of the young men who are so eager for you to join their department. "Sister, I have been studying you for some time now, and I can see you will be perfect in the announcements team". Need I say more? Once the two of you are working side by side...

4. Also watch out for those who insist on sitting next to you sunday after sunday, all the while hoping for Pastor to say, "give your neighbour a holy embrace". You know exactly what I'm talking about. They make a bee line for you regardless of where the usher has placed them, and wait for the right opportunity to make their move.

5. Lastly, there are those who invite you to theirs after the service "for sunday lunch". *wink wink*. If you fall for that one, you deserve a good beat down.

I'm not just picking on the men. Women try to pull these moves too. lol!! Anyway, I will finish by saying there is nothing wrong in using an opportunity to get something you want. But people make the whole "dating agency" thing their primary goal on a Sunday morning. And when you're on the receiving end of their "advances", it can all get a bit tiring. By the time the last "amen" has been said, you're ready to breeze out of church!


7 opinionated people have something to say:

Anonymous said...

Don't get me started on the shenanigans of church men... I have evidence longer than my arm... Some of them require legal action. Let's just say nobody is safe even in the "house of God"!

Anonymous said...

This is so true. I found this so hilarious. Particularly liked the one about the holy spirit. I know what to use next time. k. xxx

Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens said...

My goodness! Church men can be the most brazen if you read their innuendo's. But I still maintain my view that those who join the choir are THE WORST! Girls, WATCH OUT is all I can say!

Anonymous said...

funny enough I have been hit on everywhere but in church, but i keep hearing about "church men" LOL. I do know about church women though...a woman of the Lord, jumped into my brother's car and testifed to not having anywhere to spend the night, until she prayed and God asked her to follow my bro home!!! LOL. Just as U said, my bro told her 2 get out of his car, if or wehn he hears back from God, he'll return and pick her up.

Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens said...

The lady did WHAT?!?!?! Some people have no shame! I rate your brother!

Afrocentric said...

ha! your brother did the right thing. how could she be so audacious?

Friday's Afro said...

haha! i hardly ever get chirpsed by church men, but i know the tricks, these peopl should be careful ooh before the Holy Spirit causes them to confess all and their REAL reasons for going to church are exposed! Lawd a Mercy!!!

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