Doesn't that hurt?

I recently went to a concert by British poet Michaela. It was really good, she is really good, but at one point I began to ask myself how is she doing this?

One song on her album, Fixing Barbie. is called 'Childhood Photographs' and it's about a suicidal friend of hers who blocks out the pain of losing her boyfriend by smoking illegal substances and cutting herself. D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-N-G, I know but a beautiful song which is poignant in a nonchalant way (typical Michaela). Now I wonder for Michaela and for other artists, how can they bear to sing a song like that, which reminds them of a very painful time, or an ongoing problem? If I feel like crying when I hear it, how can she sing it at numerous concerts, make a video for it, practise it at rehearsals etc. etc.?

Blimey! These performer peeps are better than me at distancing themselves from personal pain or past emotions, I can still get very embarrassed thinking about that time I farted in a school disco and did not manage to cover it up, or angry at the thought of that 'friend' who slept with my boyfriend, I also still feel warm and fuzzy when I smell that boyfriend's 212 because these things happened to me and though I may not think about them all the time, they remain very real to me years after.

I don't know if I'm over-emotional, or if I'm clinging to anything I 've managed to remember as my post-baby memory deteriorates, but I take my hat off to those who can feel things deep enough to turn them into beautiful poems/songs, but disengage enough to sing/recite without becoming a wobbling mound of tears!

Boy, I know I was crying at that concert, and maybe somewhere deep, Michaela was too.


3 opinionated people have something to say:

Afrocentric said...

I know what you mean about not being able to sepereate yourself emotionally from past events. With me, as soon as I start to look back on something that happened in the past, I feel myself welling up, becoming angry, bursting into a fit of laughter etc. I guess it depends on your character,and exactly what it is you have had to deal with in life. By the way, I really like Michaela, let us know when she performs again!

Afrocentric said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JuaNita said...

Its almost like a part of you is attached to that past incident making separation difficult, but then again, it does make you a bit stronger. I'm guilty in that category, but at times..I'd rather my emotions stay on hold.

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