Out with the Ex, in with the New

I expected 2010 to be a much better year than its predecessors but I seriously did not consider that this year would bring reconciliation with people I had not spoken to for years and had subsequently written off for good. But I guess God has a way of bringing pleasant surprises our way. So far, making up with a family member I had sworn I would never talk to has been one of the best gifts I have received this year.

Remember in New Year, New Beginnings! I mentioned about an ex-boyfriend of mine who lives in Ghana, and ceases not to harass me? Rewind back to late 2007. It was round about then, I started getting to know him. For the benefit of anonymity, let's call him X (cos that is exactly what he is). I had known X for a couple of years before then (he was my cousin D's friend) but I had hardly said two words to him. So when this reserved, aloof and somewhat proud young man started talking to me and showing an interest, I immediately became intrigued, and towards the end of 2007 he became my boyfriend. Okay okay, I know I should have known better and trust me I have learnt:

1. NEVER EVER EVER get involved with someone who's is connected to your family in any way
2.The quiet ones usually have something to hide
3.If you have to keep your relationship a secret, then the two of you should probably not be having one

Anyway, during most of our relationship, I was living in France, and aside from the daily phone conversations and the odd visit here and there, I didn't really see him much. For some reason, X wanted to keep our relationship a secret because he knew my cousin D is a bit overprotective of me, and would be less than happy to find out his friend was going out with his little cousin. Living in the middle of nowhere in a foreign country, with no T.V. or internet connection can leave you disillusioned and very needy. (If you don't believe me, try it.) Every night, I would make sure I had done my assignments, had a shower, and had done all the other important things by 9.55pm, ready for to hear the sweet tune of my phone's ring tone at 10 o'clock. To be honest, I had never before been so happy to hear my phone ring.

During our conversations, we would speak about absolutely everything, including certain family members who always left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Every time I mentioned someones name, his response would be no more than "mmm,yeah, I have met her before" or "err, yeah, I think your cousin has introduced me to him before". Anyway, I thought nothing of it and we blissfully carried on with what I would later find out was one of the most deceitful relationships I have ever found myself in.

Well, to cut a very LOOOOOOOOOOONG story short, I returned to London during the Easter holidays, to find out that X used to go out with one of my cousins - a family member I had fallen out with and had not spoken to for around four years and had spent many nights bitching about to him over the phone (Can we call her V?). OK, I know you're probably rolling your eyes in disbelief at the fact that I had no idea that my boyfriend used to go out with cousin or shrugging your shoulders thinking "So? What's the big deal?". So let me clear a few things up:

1. I had barely seen or spoken to V in four years
2. I think it was a pretty insidious for him to not mention ANYTHING about their relationship, considering the fact her name had surfaced in our conversations quite a few times.

Well, anybody who knows me will not be surprised to read that I ended our relationship that very day. A bit drastic, you may think. But, I had to end it as it involved family (no matter how sour things between me and V may have gone), plus I was a little more than concerned about how easy it was for him to keep such vital information quiet. And although he made it his number one goal to win me back, the truth was, I just couldn't get back with him.

I know this blog post is becoming somewhat long and laborious to read, but I am getting to the end, I promise. Fast forward to January 2010, I was at work , when I read an e-mail stating that a few new-starters from another branch of the company were coming to mine the following day to receive their training and to go through their starter packs. The e-mail also included a list of names of the girls we were to be expecting. God must have a strange sense of humour because whose name should I see in that list but V's?

So roll on the next day, I was at work trying to keep busy, trying to forget about the butterflies in my stomach and trying to keep a fake smile plastered onto my face. I must have been looking at my watch for the umpteenth time, When V finally walked through the big glass doors of the shop.

After a few moments of staring at each other stupidly and performing a few conversational rituals ( How are you? Fine thank you, you?), she finally mustered up the courage to bring up the dreaded subject. Through our conversation, it became apparent that X had given her the impression that I had started a relationship with him knowing full well that she used to go out with him. And NO NO, that was not the only porky he was telling, he had also told her that we me and him were still involved!! (yes, he used to spend money and time to make phone calls from Ghana, so he could wind her up with his lies )What a bastard!

Well, once I had assured her that although breaking up with him was difficult, I would never knowingly go out of my way to hurt someone. Also, I couldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. Then reality sunk in. The truth was that we had been played off against each other (there were also a few not-so-nice things he had told me about her).

Well, as typical happy endings go, we made up and laughed over how stupid we had all been. We even exchanged numbers and promised to keep in touch. (Well you know, baby steps and all that. After all, four years is a looooong time!)

Okay, we have finally arrived at the end of this story. I know it was quite lengthy and complicated, so I thank you for your patience. But that is why it has taken me so damn long to post it! I will end by saying that sometimes, when you stubbornly want to hold onto a grudge, circumstances will put you in a position where you'll have to just let go. The one thing I have taken away from the whole experience, is that it is so important to communicate. Before things spiral out of control.

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5 opinionated people have something to say:

Shels said...

Hmm..thats what I've been trying to tell my friends..communication is always key.. but sometimes don't u feel like 'hey, seriously, this is a bloody no brainer, are you seriously kidding me? Do I really have to talk to you about this?'... n then u know how when u're always the one doing the talking its almost like u r always nagging. If there is anything I've noticed about men, its dat they try to avoid issues a lot, they avoid confrontations and discussions..
yeah, but when things spin out of control its jus sad.

great post

Myne Whitman said...

Wow, what a story. It's crazy the lengths some people will go to for something that in the long run turns out not to be worth it. I'm glad you girls sorted out the issue.

Afrocentric said...

@ shels, you are so right, but sadly some of us have to learn the hard way about the importance of communication.

@ myne whitman, sometimes my mind cannot even go that far to think of the lengths people will go to. this is why it was a shock when i eventually found out.

Friday's Afro said...

I'm glad you sorted it out with your cousin,men can be so silly sometimes!!! you did the right thing getting rid of him, when you drag out these things they can sometimes never happen x

Tye said...

What a JERK! Such a large percentage of my gender is so flawed that its ridiculous....interesting how 'tragedy' brings people together right? Anyway, great post; I enjoyed laboriously toiling through the unending string of words ;)

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