On Good Friday, a good friend of mine had a dinner party. Imagine the scene...young Ghanaian girl, Sierra Leonian, a Yoruba girl and an Igbo...an Igbo guy and three Yoruba. Now before you jump down my throat (about racism, or tribalism or WOTEVA!) I'm giving you a bit of background to lay the scene and inform what I'm gonna say later...
Some seriously good white wine and Fanta gets to flowing and being African students of politics, (for the most part) converstaion gets loud and argumentative. The topic was a bit of a mistake, I grant the Yoruba boy who brought it up didn't quite mean what he implied...OH WELL! What are students of politics if not eager pirahna's waiting to attack ignorant statements? So....hmmm, I'll call him Yinka...comments that the laws in the UK are too strict, for instance in the UK an man cannot slap his wife.
Poor Yinka! Myself, Teresa (Sierra Leonian), Nneka (Igbo) and Abiola (Yoruba) were the only other people in there at the time and being a room full of girls the horror in the air was palatable. Cries of 'ehhhhhh, so WHERE are you free to slap your wife?', 'Wife beater, wife beater!!!!!' (That was Nneka, quite enjoying making Yink squirm) filled the air and bless his heart we offered no way out for him and annihilated him as was our right, nay, our duty even.
Then enter the boys, Abimbola (Yoruba), Jide (Yoruba) and Chidi (Igbo). Chidi is aghast, 'I would never, NEVER slap my wife? What could you possibly mean? Have you run mad?' (A this point I sincerely wish I could accent this for you, but I can't write it...linguists? Help any one?). Anyhoo, while Yinka is still digging himself deeper trying to get out of his hole (much to mine and Nneka's glee) Jide decides to play devils advocate...'WHAT IF...what if...your wife slapped your mother?'
Now, myself and my girlfriends are still keeping up the righteous indigniton...like seriously sha, my husband will see fire if he abuses me! But all of a sudden Chidi is unsure and is backing down, like well, I don't know. Jide says seriously, the woman deserves a slap because that's his mother, but we are adamant, she's your wife. You get married and she should come above everyone else. Jide says 'No way! My mother gave me my values, you disrespect my mother you disrespect ME-slap her!'
This argument carried on into the night....or at least until people withdrew sullenly into their respective corners, each convinced they're right (why can Africans never debate like normal people it's always a fight!), but you get the general jist. But I'm still convinced I'm right! (lol) But I'm interested by the polar responses this evokes, so i throw the floor open, what says you?
6 opinionated people have something to say:
Wow, controversy!! I feel a man never has the right to slap a woman, unless the woman is violent towards him first. In the case of her slapping his mother, I feel the mother has every right to slap the wife back, but I'm not sure about the man slapping her himself.
I mostly agree w/ anonymous. His mother should be gangsta enough to slap her back. Although if your wife felt free to slap your mother, I think that would indicate a serious lack of respect for you as her husband. And yes I think a man has every right to slap a woman if she is violent to him. Too many girls go around slapping men w/ no fear of retaliation. I know men are physically stronger and violence is rarely the answer but if you can't control yourself and you slap a man why shouldn't he exercise the same lack of self- control and slap you right back? Treat others as you'd like to be treated people!
I DO think if a woman slaps her mother-in-law for no reason she is possibly begging for marital break down and being verbally cast into the pits of hell by the in-laws but I still can't quite see how or why the MAN should slap her.
Another interesting twist to the debate was when someone mentioned if the mother-in-law slapped first is the wife then justified in retaliating and IF so can her husband THEN slap her???? (Some of these guys seem to be clearly looking for anyway to hit this poor woman-OO...it conjures up images of wifebeating mid-air once the plane has left the UK....)I still say no. But I do think the topic is interesting, borderline funny, cuz REALLY what kind of wife did u marry? U must have brought it on yourself!
hmmm...we have said our own oh!!! do not slap our mothers ah!!!!!. the love you are enjoying no be our mama put am for us? the person you marry no be she bring am up? have you ever heard the song SWEET MOTHER? please give us the oppurtunity to at least tell her not to visit again(which i tell you is very painfull)... Just ask any man who had a single mum that put him through school and everything? the result would be the same. please advice to all ladies who might fancy marrying an african man...PLS NEVER EVER EVER SLAP HI MA. DAT AINT GONNA CUT IT. and i tell you forgiveness would be very slow in coming,if it ever does.CHIDI
Thanx 4 rejoining this debate Chidi. But why do men always behave as if they the only ones who have a mother....u think we don't also have one? If you allow your mother to disrespect me to the point that the thought of slapping her crosses my mind YOU have messed up. Your mother should never come in my house and disrespect me, I think too many men allow their mothers to walk over their wives out of 'love'. Mate, do you hear of the woman's mother coming over and ruining her daughters married life as often? You people need to get your mothers to back the hell off unless you always intended on having a miserable marriage. There can never be peace with two women trying to rule the same house. Remember, biblically a MAN has to leave his family and join his wife. God knows, there is a good reason why he has to make that break and this may just be it!
hey nsoromma please ask my brothers from the US OF A. what mother-in-laws do to them then you would get the gist.chidi
Post a Comment