3 out of the 4 members of this blog graduated with BAs in the last couple of weeks and an MA is expected to be gained by September. Hey, we're not just pretty faces! However, after 3 (or 4) years of stress and wishing you were doing anything else apart from this "stupid" degree, once you get to walk across that stage as they call your name, I'm only left with one question: Now What? The world is supposed to be our playground but some people are determined to make that playground consist of only a swingset. One of us (who shall remain nameless) was told "well done. Now it's either marriage or your masters. Whichever comes first is up to you"! Woooooooow. Talk about not being able to enjoy the moment. I personally want to do my masters next year but I was having trouble deciding what courses to think about applying for when my mother insisted an MBA was the only way to go. This is all regardless of the fact that I've never once expressed any kind of interest in business administration and my degree is in English Lit. and Linguistics! Look I wouldn't mind being rich just like the next person but I'd rather be happy and it's clear where my passion lies and an MBA is definitely not it!
Another one of our esteemed writing team was also told to get her masters as soon as possible because otherwise she would be "wasting her years". This was to a 22 year old btw. It's also important to remember that all this "advice" came from people without degrees themselves. What is it that makes it so tempting for so-called "uncles", "aunties", and the like to make you a vessel for their unfulfilled dreams? We're in an economic recession and it's depressing enough to think that you're never gonna get a job without the pressure to incur even more debt doing a degree you have no interest in. Yes I know that everybody and their mum has a degree(s) these days but damn, can we get even a few weeks to enjoy it before reality kicks in? It isn't too much to ask it it?
hahahahahaha! I went to Dubai at the beginning of June to y'kno let off some of that exam steam! And while there our wonderful hotel organised trips and excursions everyday, to the beach in the morning, and 'shopping' in the afternoons. 'Wow' we thought, 'all those famous luxury Dubai malls, you know the ones with ski slopes inside and 5 star (freezing cold) cinemas...' we couldn't wait. So Monday rolls around and instead of naming the place we would be going shopping, all we were told is " yes, its very good place, nice, discount shopping yes good place!" Hmmm, I don't know about anyone else but I was envisaging a mixture of Primark and Poundland, boy what i got was a mixture of Deptford Market, an 'English for foreign learners' class and a bin!
I'm not actually joking when we got there people from our hotel were backing away from the lurid green shopfront where we were greeted by a massive poster saying " RUB-A-DUB DUB CLEAN YOUR TOTS IN THE TUB " accompanied by a Rubberduckzilla monstrosity, weird! And it just got weirder, rows and rows of terribly-made cheap clothes next to prams next to packets of crisps, and the whole while a bearded man following you round the nighties trying to make you take a trolley. After our initial bout of nausea and convulsions, we decided to look around and thank God we did. You know when you go to other countries you find some strange engrish emblazoned across tee-shirts etc, these were the worst i have ever seen! Once in Martinique I did see a top that said 'Music looks at me PHARD' huh? what? Anyway, back to Nine Town (as this Oasis in the Emirate Desert was called) the tops ranged from the depressing - a top with a 20 line poem about holding your dog's paw when the time comes to put him down- to the spiritual -incomplete inaccurate lyrics from a Hillsongs song- to the retro- a beautiful piece with I ROCK RUFF AND STUFF WITH THE AFRO PUFF across it- Yes yes Lady of Rage!
Eurgh! the shop was disgusting, afterwards we were thrown into a tro-tro (van/minibus) with about 25 Iranians who found our dark skin and our English extremely funny, horrific, one of them was making a video of us! Lord have mercy! Not a minute too soon we were returned to our hotel where we wept with shock and relief, it was over, Nine Town was over. Oh and did I forget to mention the Iranians bags were bulging with tat from Nine Town, yuck!
So I haven't written a blog post in a while and I was complaining to Afrocentric that I felt like I had nothing to say lately. Then, for some reason, I realised "hold up"! I'm always complaining (or "passionate" as some people call it) about something. I realised there have been two things that have repeatedly put my back up in the last few years and this is one of them. Yes people, I'm talking about skin bleaching. Interestingly enough, just as I was formulating this post, I noticed that the BBC website had just posted a story on this very problem and it had rocketed to the top of their "most sent" article column . Clearly this is an issue by which many of us are concerned.
Growing up, I was never really conscious of skin colour until I progressed further and further up the educational ladder. When my sister, who is eleven years younger than me, was born I remember a great hoopla being made over her beauty. Now don't get me wrong, Sankofa Jr. is gorgeous but I noticed certain terminology was always used to describe her. "Oh Sankofa Jr. is so pretty and fair!" "Sankofa Jr. has such lovely and bright skin". You see where I'm going with this right? However, the older Sankofa Jr. got the darker in tone she became and a move to the ATL only expedited the issue. I remember showing a recent picture of her to a certain family friend who exclaimed "Oh no! She has gotten sooooo dark! Have you not been keeping her out of the sun?" She had to get a big
Since when did black Africans become so obsessed with skin colour? If I had a pound for every time I, or a friend, has been slyly given skin "brightening" creams or been told that we're pretty even though we're dark skinned.... Let's just say that I'd be making an appearance in Forbes. I am well aware that there is a difference in attempting to even complexion and straight up "Casper-ification" but some people need a big fat SIT DOWN! Hey, fine with me if you want to destroy the protective melanin God gave us. Or if you wish to expose your skin to hydroquinone (C6H602 for all you science buffs) of which the long term effects include premature ageing, blotchy, collagen- damaged skin, and skin cancer (yes black people can get skin cancer). Skin bleaching creams also contain mercury and trust me it's in a far more potent form than the type in a thermometer. Mercury, as pregnant women will know, can lead to kidney and liver failure in addition to leaving blue pigmentation in the folds of the skin, not to mention that these products are illegal in the United Kingdom. Now let me ask you, when you think of a beautiful woman do these images come to mind? Don't even get it twisted, it's not an exclusively African disease. Skin bleaching creams are prevalent in Caribbean countries and Asian countries also. In my opinion, the world is going mad. You've got white people going mad with the tanning and black people embracing the Casper effect hard. Sorry to be insufferably cheesy but whatever happened to loving ourselves? God gave me my skin colour for a reason and for that reason alone I'm gonna love it till the day I die.
Also, if you're so determined to bleach, why attempt to hide it? You ain't slick. I am sure all of you have encountered the phenomenon I named this post after. The "fanta face, coca-cola body" woman. Don't come and tell me you don't bleach when your knuckles and feet look like you've been grazing in charcoal but your face is more orange than the "You know when you've been tangoed" man. Come on!
Truthfully speaking, thinking about this issue made me think about the other side of the coin. Remember when we were in school and the light-skinned boy and girl were automatically the most popular people in your class? (St. James' holla! lol) Yeah just admit we were all on light-skinned boys until Moris Chestnut, Tyrese, and the ilk came along and put them out of fashion. I've happily said that light-skinned men are not my cup of tea as I've grown up. However, I have seen men straight up ROASTED for preferring light-skinned black women over their more melanin- endowed counterparts. Now where's the difference? Yes from today, I am really trying to stop that foolishness. It's a free country, just as I have my preferences, why should I lambast somebody for also having their preferences? But preferences are just that- preferences. If a man I like prefers lighter-skinned women does that mean I need to chemically alter my skin to better fit his preferences? Hell no! Come on people, if this does not apply to you, urge your mums, your aunties, (hell, your uncles too) to put the bleaching creams down. Our skin is beautiful in the myriad shades it comes in. Let's celebrate this.
How come some people just don't know when to quit?
There are people in my life who I could swear were created for the sole purpose of aggravating and upsetting me. It's a conceited, the-whole-world-revolves-around-me view but really, at times like this I'm certain I am right! Let me throw out a word of warning to the wise. I told you so is the single most f********ing annoying thing you can say to me!!!!!!!! Because by the time you've said it I'd have already apologised, therefore, I'm only ever gonna think you are deliberately trying to piss me off. Or else why do it?
Also, how come some people can totally block out what you say to them and expect you to listen to all the minute details of their drear and frankly miserable life? Talking to some people is literally like talking to a brick wall. They repeat the same nonsense they said 20 seconds earlier with no hint or suggestion that they even heard what you had said to them. That's not a conversation; it's a frigging soliloquy so if you want just repeat your nonsense over and over DO NOT expect me to want to listen. What you should expect is that it will over a period of time start to really annoy me and I'll either block YOU out or tell you to shut the f***** up!
Also, I'm of a somewhat, erhm, fiery temperament. If you shout at me chances are 9 ¾ times out of 10 I will bloody shout back. So don't shout, thanks. Muchos Gracias. So if you have known me for a number of years, you will know that I WILL shout back so if you shout at me you are looking for it. If I then give it to you WHY THE HELL ARE YOU COMPLAINING?!?!?!
Look, I'm well aware that it's a whole 'Ghanaian respect' thing that says that you should stand like a bloody mute and take abuse from your 'seniors'. I'm still at a loss as to why the fact that your parents got freaky before mine can make someone think I'll roll over and take the bullshit. But I try, I really do then the South-London-Black-Bitch in me kicks in after...ooo, let's say 10 minutes. I think I do well. TEN BLOODY MINUTES. After that I think I'm well within my rights to tell you to stick it where the sun don't shine.
Rant, over....
Thanx guys, it's been real therapeutic....lol...
Enraged,
Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens
N.B. Reading this back has been kind of therapeutic. I feel calmer and I'm actually laughing at what I wrote. I even feel like apologising, but then the problem with apologising that I've always had (as in seriously from childhood), is that when you apologise the other person half the time still doesn't see the wrong they have done. They feel vindicated and oh-so-right, which means that they are still gonna make me scream...grrr, perhaps Nsoromma need to take a chill pill!
I recently decided (as in a few seconds ago...literally) to do a regular(ish) post on various things that cross my mind. Ok...let me rephrase, on the things that give me cause to pause and think a little bit (such a rare occurrence in the aftermath of the mental exam mush that has currently replaced my brain). So here's the first of many of my 'food for thought's: music.
Music is such a therapeutic thing for me...as is writing sometimes. The music I listen to can set my mood, help heal my wounds, make them worse or piss me off. At times I've been really surprised, shocked even at my personal reaction to music and that of other people to the same medium. For those who you who have never heard of it or never watched it you should check out The Truth Behind Hip-Hop, something I first watched at a youth retreat with my church when I was about 18. It had a real impact on me and it's something I have never forgotten. I threw away ALL of my 300-odd ORIGINAL CD's (...this was pre-mp3 downloads, lols...) and though I felt spiritually cleansed, IT HURT. A lot. I'm such a Nas and 2Pac fan...and Outkast...and Busta...and DMX...damn that HURT! But I felt it was all for the greater good, I mean it's not just the influence of Hip Hop, it's also the belief's that inspire many Neo-Soul musicians, the explicitness of Ragga and the longing and lustfulness often in R&B...even love songs. I was not a new Christian when I watched the DVDs but I would be a liar if I did not acknowledge that they opened my eyes.
Now what human being is not moved by music? NO ONE (as far as I'm concerned, but feel free to comment and challenge me at the end of my post). However as a hip hop head I noticed discrepancies and falsehoods in some of the preacher's (G Craige Lewis of EX ministries) claims and the student of politics and school debating champion that I was, these things for me just undermine some of the evident truths in his words. A grand debate wages as to whether G Craige Lewis is of God, or exploiting a Godly message for personal gain to the detriment of the Christian community. I believe the later. COMMON SENSE can tell you that much of the music is not good for our very souls and encourages and supports behaviour in us that contradicts much of our base belief's and I think that is true whichever faith you (do or do not) follow. I applaud the Preacher for perhaps reminding me of the importance of music in inducing emotions but I'll take much else of what he says with a MASSIVE chunk (not a grain-o, chunk) of salt. I believe he was sent to give me a message and my bible and the holy spirit in me exists to cross check what I hear, WHEREVER I hear it.
I have much of my old music back. I even have more than I had before. BUT...I thank God for the spirit of discernment, I feel that now I veer away from the tracks I feel can be emotionally damaging to me and do not feel bad listening to empowering tracks made by 'secular' artists. I implore you all...BE AWARE OF WHAT IT IS YOU LISTEN TO...be it Hip-hop, Hip-life, Ragga, Highlife, R&B, Neo-Soul, whatever, how it rests with your soul is a good indicator of how it may benefit you. The preacher is correct when he says you don't know what influences some of these artists, we really don't but neither does he. It is up to GOD to judge the hearts of men (and the subsequent heart they used to compose the music), I don't presume to label someone a believer or a non-believer because they wear their jeans low or listen to rock music or go raving, how is that my business? that's between them and their God. So I'll take the music as it comes, when I'm sad and I just need to revel in it, embrace it and move on I will listen to some Mary J.! When I feel militant, 2Pac still does the trick and when that foolish boy is acting up I agree with Erykah that he'd better Call Tyrone! But I just need to be aware that when I need to move on from my misery I should switch from Roses to Just Fine. Or that after being thoroughly pissed-off I should perhaps not listen to They Don't Give A Fuck About Us or When We Ride On Our Enemies and focus on Keep Ya Head Up. When I'm confused what's wrong with Lord Give Me A Sign? Me and D both need a sign, we all struggle!
Here are some excerpts from 2Pac – Better Days:
'Time to question our lifestyle, look how we live Smokin weed like it ain't no thang, so even kids wanna try now, they lie down and get ran through Nobody watched 'em clockin the evil man do'
'I'd love to see the block in peace With no more dealers and crooked cops, the only way to stop the beast And only we can change It's up to us to clean up the streets, it ain't the same Too many murders, too many funerals and too many tears Just seen another brother buried plus I'd known him for years Passed by his family, but what could I say? Keep yo' head up and try to keep the faith And pray for better days'
No matter what he believed, what sins he committed, I don't know but no one can convince me that that can ever be at odds with my God!
Peace xXx
Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens
I'll leave you with DMX's Lord Give Me A Sign:
'No weapon formed against me shall prosper
For this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord In the name of Jesus Lord give me a sign Amen'
I can empathise with Mary J. When she cried for No More Drama...and yet I can't quite make it work in my life. Consider...
I split from my very nice boyfriend of several months (around 6 I think...) because I was on this whole no more drama hype. As lovely as he was he had some fundamental 'flaws' that we could never get past:
He's inkremoni (tr. Muslim) and I am not, and I've met too many people whose lives have been messed up because of the differences in their parents' religions. Sorry, I know it may work for some people but I'm not interested in that wahala (tr. Drama) in my life.
He's dodgy. Like D-O-D-G-Y, as far as I'm concerned there are enough opportunities in this country for someone raised in the system to do something with their lives. He's a fast approaching 30, graduate who takes great pride in having never had a job. He's not on benefits and is living it up! No! C'mon I feel like I should be past that kind of dodginess in my life, as I've iterated before I feel like I am on the cusp of starting a wonderful life where my looooooong education is finally going to pay dividends. Look, I've done the ride-or-die chick thing before; at 23 I'm not interested in having your back if the police catch you. I'm older now and I'd probably be more inclined to think 'Good! You deserve to be caught! What are you thinking? GROW THE HELL UP!'That's drama man.
He's alatani (tr. Nigerian) and before you people start on the racist hype. Listen. I've been with my fair share of Naija guys before and I just cannot abide the whole 'I'm Nigerian, we're the best' thing, how about 'I'm Ghanaian, I love being Ghanaian and I don't want to contend with the part of you that secretly believes your people are superior to mine!' Neither is it fair on him that I have inbred bad feelings about Naija dudes (OK that's not strictly fair or true, I think Ghanaian guys can be high wastage too!). But I would be a big fat liar if I did not acknowledge his very alata-ness was a problem. ASEM! (tr. Trouble)
He's a lovely guy but really, I can't have a relationship with a man who can go for weeks, yes! WEEKS without feeling the need to see me when we live in the same 'regions' of London (Southside, that's where I'm coming from!)
Aww, bless him though he's nice, just not for me.
So I moved on with the help of an old, er, flame. Grrr, he is sooo the epitome of Ghanaian male wastage! Consider...
We have history and the whole idea was that now we have no separate dramas in our lives we should give it a real go. THEN he announces the drama of all dramas that no girl wants to hear...there's some chick expecting his child. WTF? ASEM! So, after his pleas and various (annoyingly childish) 'tests' of my loyalty and thinking long, deep and hard, I decided it is pretty unfair to judge a guy on the basis of one mistake, even if that 'mistake' results in a new life.
Nice, aren't I?
Well, I think so! I mean for many people that's an automatic no-no and I thought I'd try the mature route...fat lot of good it did me! He is as childish as when I first started seeing him a couple years back. Despite all his talk he's still essentially a child. I mean 'tests', really?!?!?! That nonsense always ends badly. It's sad though because I really, really, REALLY like him but I think he's incapable of being in an adult relationship. W-A-H-A-L-A, I'm sorry but it's not about babysitting grown as men!
Then there's the friend, who I believe is absolutely amazing! I (not-so-secretly) adore him. He's mature and straight-forward, God fearing and about something. I can tell him anything and everything. We can jam for hours and sometimes it is that nice kind of jamming, where neither of you say much of anything but you just enjoy each other's company. BUT, there's this underlying sexual chemistry that's growing...Which really isn't a problem...until you factor in the knowledge that he does not want a relationship. He generally treats me so well that, heck, I'm only human! I fantasise about being with him and sometimes when I look at him I know it's written on my face...as in this boy isnot stupid and he has categorically informed me that he knows how bad I want him by the way I look at him. Before my flustered, embarrassed ass can reply he also told me that I shouldn't feel bad in the slightest because extremely explicit thoughts cross his mind whenever he's around me. Now, it's out there it's like walking a tightrope...I don't want to lose my friend! But DAMN! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh ASEM!
I really can empathise with Mary J. but someone needs to show me how to achieve this ideal of no more drama. I mean without getting bored. Because when I get bored I always get into some other trouble and it begins again. Oh DRAMA, WAHALA, ASEM!
