Since the bad break up I went through back in November I have whole heartedly thrown nay, CATAPULTED myself into the wonderful world of dating. It has been interesting to say the least, and I have learnt a few lessons, which I think I should share with the friends and readers of LALI...
1. When dating, let the guy know all you are interested in is a date
When I was in university, I remember being at a rave and Mr. Play was on the mic telling girls to fix their faces when they are approached for a dance because 'A DANCE IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP AND A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT A DANCE'. This is true of dating too. It's just a date, an opportunity for us to get to know one another so don't let the guy see it as a down payment for future 'fun' or anything else like that. You're just sharing company, capece?
2.If you realise you are not interested, MOVE ON
I was almost strong-armed into a relationship with a nice enough guy because he was so on it, and he's a nice guy and all. I enjoyed his company and his dates. He had imagination and was such a gentleman, but he just didn't set my heart alight, you know? And he stayed pleading for me to just give him a chance but I genuinely like him...enough to not lead him on. I had to be firm and I felt like the biggest bitch but it was very necessary. I'm NOT gonna do him like that and do the next girl out of an amazing guy. He just wasn't for me.
3. Do not date a guy who's company you cannot stand
Now this sounds standard, but I wanted attention and got into the habit of dates to such a degree that I was prepared to bare his company so that I wasn't bored at home. But then I realised, 'Girl, you know you'd rather sleep, study, bore your own eyes out with a sharp implement a la Houston' than spend time with this dude. So I finally got a clue and got rid of him.
4. Don't get your hopes up
Just as YOU don't want a guy to get obsessed in a matter of days, remember to slow your roll. He's sussing you out too, and he also has the prerogative to say, uh-uh she's not the girl for me. Chalk it down to experience and keep it moving.
5. Paying...
I personally like to go on dates which I know I could bail myself out of if needs must. If he has table manners like a horse, I can just leave my part of the bill and bounce. Or cover it if he ain't got enough. Or just pay to shut the dude up if he goes on a rant about girls who just wanna take his money. If paying is not an option for you right now (think temporarily without funds, NOT broke), then before we go I will let a brother know look I can't get this. I set out the terms and conditions so that when we get there we all know where we stand. But if I initiated the date I will pick up the check.
6. Venue
I do not prescribe a date venue but 'back to your place' does not constitute a date. It represents a sad lack of imagination and an opportunistic leech. Particularly if we just met and I am not giving you those vibes.
And in related news....
DOES NOT CONSTITUTE A DATE, IT'S OVER PRICED CHICKEN AND CHIPS! Get a clue!
DOES NOT CONSTITUTE A DATE, IT'S OVER PRICED CHICKEN AND CHIPS! Get a clue!Happy dating!
;)
Nsoromma xXx
9 opinionated people have something to say:
You are definitely the type of woman I would date. You're straight forward. I really like what you wrote in Point 2. So many women don't tell men how they really feel and it just makes it bad for the next woman these guys meet. I like what you wrote in Point 5. That's what my grandmother taught me to an extent. She always told me that whomever initiates the date should pay but as a gentleman, I should cover the tip if the woman initiates.
Thank you big sis for the dating lesson. I'm thankful you have learnt from the past.I particularly like point 3. I HATE girls who lead men on. They're just bitches!
I agree with everything but esp. 1 and 4. Women must start going out with enough money to pay for their evening and their trip back home (bus ride / minicab ride / petrol money, whatever) and stop acting lik ea man has proposed because he asked you out on a date.
I was recently reminded not to be so quick to write someone off - facebook and google can't tell you everything about a man (though they give you good idea)
Bwuahahaha! Number 3 gave me bare jokes because I've so been there. (Yes it was the one that referred to Nsoromma as "the girl with the spectacles"). Everytime I saw Dude I was praying for him to shut the hell up because he was fucking up his sexy. All out of sheer boredom and the fact that his yard (and his huge flatscreen TV) was near uni when I couldn't be bothered to trek home....
Also, co-sign with all those who say have enough money on you when you go out on a date. That has been a long-term rule for me and it's a wise one to follow.
The Musician always took me on great days and they didn't often involve a lot of money. You just have to understand the person you're dating methinks.
Oh forgot to add that I'm glad somebody else realises that Nando's is KFC with ceramic plates. It's only half a step above Macdonalds.
@ Juan Thomas - I like ur Grandma! I think the issue of paying is soo important and some chicks think they have some automatic prerogative to be paid for, it just isn't so! And about dating girls like me geee, thanx...aww schucks *blushes*
@ Afrocentric - Leading a dude on just aint right, you always have to think about how you'd feel in the same situ, lil' sis.
@ Last Born Child - I just knew you'd be the girl who Googles her dates! Lol!
@ Sankofa - Spectacles! The blood still boils over that comment of his! Cheap dates can be the best! It's not WHAT you spend on the date, but what you spent THINKING ABOUT the date that counts most!
Grrr, NANDO'S! Don't even get me started....
hahaha! This is jokes, I haven't really been on dates before so i need this!
Also I have (bad?) habit of carrying more than enough money with me but not letting on...unless I desperately need to hahahahahaha!!!!!!
Nandos!!!Amen on you saying that doesn't constitute a date...growing up in Zimbabwe,we'd go to Nandos just to get the chicken and be out of there!!So i get highly offended if a guy suggest Nandos(an ex never understood why!!)..we might as well go to Mcdonalds!!
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