So, Houdiniism, a five-syllable word, say it now: Hou-Di-Ni-Is-Sm, good, now you may be thinking what are you on about? Well, let me tell you, houdiniism is an affliction of the modern male, where they become experts at escaping situations, and coming out unscathed, only to be captured, locked down and to escape...again.
This may sound like good ol' commitment issues, but this is more, it creeps silently into the relationships of many males, whether these relationships be platonic or other. The first reported case of this condition, lets call him Joedini, suffered very badly from it, and therefore so did his girl -he's the one who'd make the appointment, tell you "you better be there...2 o'clock yeah?" implying that he just needed to see you, then , at about ahh 14.50, the call - and don't be silly you know you're calling him - he'll say,"I'm just coming blah blah, trains, blah blah, my mum, blah blah I'm on my way now", using your name and 'ish when he profusely apologises, you'll say "oh, it's ok the snow isn't too heavy at the mo'...wish I'd brought a coat..." and then he actually WOULDN'T TURN UP, like seriously, he just wouldn't come, and off you'd trundle, knowing he'll call you when you get to Brockley station (as if he knew) giving you some TALL story, which, even though you don't believe, will have you back at Norwood Junction saying "Oh it's cool, there's a really nice crackhead telling me about his pipe collection..."

But people, don't be fooled this maladie has varying symptoms and manifestations, trust me, take this guy I know, lets call him LightNTall (LNT) an intelligent, musically gifted nice chap, he'll call and it's all good...until "oh...let me call you back..." which he doesn't or does at like 4:37 am the next day, or there's ShortNDarkWithBlazerPatches (SDWBP) who displays an alternate form of houdiniism. The kind of escapologist who will 'toot-toot' you while you wait in the rain at the bus stop after you thought the jokey banter from the night before meant you were getting a lift...sorry yeah! As you see SDWBP escapes home at 35 mph, no curve, no bend, with all the affirmations of close friendship toned down by the blatant selfishness and unwillingness to share that 15 minute ride with you.

Now, this affliction has evolved over the years since the original Houdini (Harry, that is) who merely escaped from physical chains. These 21st century houdinis will leave you wondering, 'when the hell did he leave?' in both physical and emotional ways, shoot, you'll be having a face-to-face chat, look at your watch, and he will be gone, his shadow still lingering because he left so fast! But before I lose focus, and get too personal I'm just gonna rein it in, Houdiniism appears to be a natural phenomenon, whether its the one who never calls back, or the "partner" who you see once every 4 months, or the one who tells you 'I'm coming to Norwood Junction now Babes' (Babes?) while he sits sipping mojitos in Jamaica or something schtupid like that, or the Igbo boy who leaves you and your cousin buying Expensive drinks in the bloody Hilton at Trafalgar, only to stretch his big lips into what he thinks is a pacifying smile...Ahem (!) or the one who manages to slip away after church when you wore heels because you knew you had a lift, blaad, they're all escapologists in one way or another, and if they're not... well they're something else, and that's whats up!


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