Houdini-ism, Girl Better KNOW!


So, Houdiniism, a five-syllable word, say it now: Hou-Di-Ni-Is-Sm, good, now you may be thinking what are you on about? Well, let me tell you, houdiniism is an affliction of the modern male, where they become experts at escaping situations, and coming out unscathed, only to be captured, locked down and to escape...again.
This may sound like good ol' commitment issues, but this is more, it creeps silently into the relationships of many males, whether these relationships be platonic or other. The first reported case of this condition, lets call him Joedini, suffered very badly from it, and therefore so did his girl -he's the one who'd make the appointment, tell you "you better be there...2 o'clock yeah?" implying that he just needed to see you, then , at about ahh 14.50, the call - and don't be silly you know you're calling him - he'll say,"I'm just coming blah blah, trains, blah blah, my mum, blah blah I'm on my way now", using your name and 'ish when he profusely apologises, you'll say "oh, it's ok the snow isn't too heavy at the mo'...wish I'd brought a coat..." and then Check Spellinghe actually WOULDN'T TURN UP, like seriously, he just wouldn't come, and off you'd trundle, knowing he'll call you when you get to Brockley station (as if he knew) giving you some TALL story, which, even though you don't believe, will have you back at Norwood Junction saying "Oh it's cool, there's a really nice crackhead telling me about his pipe collection..."

But people, don't be fooled this
maladie has varying symptoms and manifestations, trust me, take this guy I know, lets call him LightNTall (LNT) an intelligent, musically gifted nice chap, he'll call and it's all good...until "oh...let me call you back..." which he doesn't or does at like 4:37 am the next day, or there's ShortNDarkWithBlazerPatches (SDWBP) who displays an alternate form of houdiniism. The kind of escapologist who will 'toot-toot' you while you wait in the rain at the bus stop after you thought the jokey banter from the night before meant you were getting a lift...sorry yeah! As you see SDWBP escapes home at 35 mph, no curve, no bend, with all the affirmations of close friendship toned down by the blatant selfishness and unwillingness to share that 15 minute ride with you.

Now, this affliction has evolved over the years since the original Houdini (Harry, that is) who merely escaped from physical chains. These 21st century houdinis will leave you wondering, 'when the hell did he leave?' in both physical and emotional ways, shoot, you'll be having a face-to-face chat, look at your watch, and he will be gone, his shadow still lingering because he left so fast! But before I lose focus, and get too personal I'm just gonna rein it in, Houdiniism appears to be a natural phenomenon, whether its the one who never calls back, or the "partner" who you see once every 4 months, or the one who tells you 'I'm coming to Norwood Junction now Babes' (Babes?) while he sits sipping mojitos in Jamaica or something schtupid like that, or the Igbo boy who leaves you and your cousin buying Expensive drinks in the bloody Hilton at Trafalgar, only to stretch his big lips into what he thinks is a pacifying smile...Ahem (!) or the one who manages to slip away after church when you wore heels because you knew you had a lift, blaad, they're all escapologists in one way or another, and if they're not... well they're something else, and that's whats up!


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2 opinionated people have something to say:

Sankofa said...

Ain't you speaking the TRUTH!

Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens said...

PREACH! On second time of reading I feel induced to rant, so...

How about Waledini who after many times not returning your calls (or at least not within an appropriate time frame) practically begs to see you because he misses you (or is that an ever so slight case or guilt and horniness rolled into one...girl you KNO you know it!) and you MUST come see him. Has you dragging your tired ass to see him at 10pm after a 9 hour-stand-on-your-feet-all-day shift where you nearly got into an altercation with your manager. But that will never get you down cuz your going to see HIM (loser!).

Now let me give you context, he lives far from you so going straight there just makes sense and you keep calling him on your way there...he usually calls back 15/20 minutes later so you figure let's save time and get on the tube and bus. Just get there! So...you finally arrive, 35 minutes after work, exhausted. He's still not picking up the phone and your ringing the doorbell like Jack the Ripper is on your ass. No response. After approximately ten minutes your tired, PISSED-OFF ass turns around and begins the ONE HOUR (minimum) journey to your house f*ing and blinding the whole time. Your girl (who's seeing his boy) calls like 'Oh you with Waledini, his boy said he was meeting you?...' No girlfriend I'm not.

Waledini called me the next day you know, to say sorry...hmmmm. So I ask him 'WHERE WERE YOU?','Sorry baby, I was busy. Got caught up.'

And THAT was the entirety of the response I got! Can you imagine?! I swear to you Houdini ain't got SHIT on these guys!!!!!

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